The F Word

Recently our very own intrepid matchmaking guide, the self-styled Muslim Hitch, assumes on family members challenges and reasonable objectives in dating as a single Muslim. And Then We promise, there is not a swear phrase in sight…

We’ve all heard it – that dreadful word, the one which begins and stops with you attempting to stick needles in your sight any time you’re known as it. Image this: a good family and friends get-together, another person’s kids are losing their particular poultry meal all over Auntie Salma’s brand new couch. Everyone else near you is apparently hitched, and they inform you of all of the lovely, fluffy circumstances they do as two, and then whine affectionately regarding their spouse having way too many shoes/not modifying your kitchen light bulb that fused final Eid.

Then your dialogue transforms for you.

Every couple, every auntie, almost every uncle, might ask you to answer this –”therefore, why you have not found anybody yet?” Then they proceed to respond to the million dollar concern employing own impressive realization: “Is it as you are also…” – *dhum dhum dhuuuuum dramatic music as camera zooms in for next word* – “FUSSY?!

There its. Trumpeted out loud, like a punch toward belly, a thorn within side. I know you’ve been through it – i’m the discomfort. It’s annoying to listen to particularly when you realize you have tried your darnedest meet up with potentials, giving individuals you might never ever usually supply the light of time an opportunity. And also for this explanation, I would like to allow you to navigate the F phrase and advise on damage control. Here are a few comebacks which may show beneficial:

a)    have fun with the Islam credit: “When Allah wills it, merely subsequently did it take place. Pray for my situation. Inshallah.”

b)    put it in their courtroom: “Well, you have to understand some one for me? Assist a brother/sister out!”

c)    end up being a smart guy: “selecting a life partner is like choosing a good fruit, it’s getting myself time and energy to sift through most of the spoiled people.”

d)    decide to try the surprise factor: “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t understand we shouldn’t end up being fussy concerning the individual I’m meant to SLEEP WITH THROUGHOUT MY LIFE.”

If this hasn’t helped, i’d like to take to another approach. Below I offer you a compare exercise of two pages just who contacted me personally some years ago – the first from a mainstream web site, plus the 2nd from a Muslim website.

Non Muzza bloke no.1:

I’m 32 in earth many years, but more mature in wisdom and morality and more youthful in humour. A mix i love to contact ‘enigmatic’ but others reference as ‘simple’.
I love to laugh, including at myself personally, frequently.
I prefer spontaneity but require a smart brain to harness me in when I’m about to swim into the deep, despite the fact that We have my own arm floats.

I would love to fulfill somebody as contrary as my self.
And lastly, I like candy covered peanuts.

Muzza bloke No 2:

I’d Like u 
getting beside me In an excellent Restaurent
getting candle lightweight supper?. &
to say those nice three words to U

The second left me not really much questioning the F term as considering the WTF phrase. Obviously, they are certainly not all because poor as No.2, but we express the idea making use of the above because so many singletons have said which they’ve abadndoned locating an appropriate Muslim spouse as they do not also include the fundamentals – like the capacity to cause. Thus, being ‘fussy’ isn’t the issue. Undoubtedly it is more about having some self-esteem and a sense of self-worth. It is more about having criteria. Positive, potentials needs to be given a chance, yet not for the extent that you compromise a lot more than you actually ever believed you would.

Having said that, there was a ‘however’. However, you can find, I’m sorry to state, some people who deserve to really have the F phrase used on them. Such as, those because of the immutable tick lists. For instance: “He needs to be over 6 ft 4 ins” (the actual fact that she actually is 5′ 1″); or: “She ought to be capable cook like my personal mum and look like Angelina Jolie.” Well, should you decide resemble the Muslim form of Ryan Gosling, you could be eligible for claim that, but let’s be honest, you’re almost certainly going to resemble the Muslim type of Peter Griffin.

But, the F term nevertheless rests uncomfortably. I suggest making use of a much less blackboard scraping term, like – unrealistic expectations. The challenges we wear another human being when we implement unrealistic objectives before meeting the individual, will simply result in discontent in a married relationship. We have to embrace the great together with the terrible, accept and love all of them for who they really are, not really what you unrealistically want them to-be. It is more about a finding ideal balance – managing your objectives and searching for what exactly is right for you. You can also let eHarmony embody the F word in your stead, because they read through all of the apples individually, handpicking more appropriate matches predicated on your individuality – one thing those matchmaking aunties of yore had a tendency to sidestep making use of their ‘biodata’ kinds.

Therefore to round down, next time you’re known as F word, get center please remember what is actually already been mentioned. Don’t reduce your requirements, learn your value, and cannot anticipate a Muslim Aishwarya Rai or a Muslim Henry Cavill with a top traveling job (if you’ll pardon the pun), since your correct knight in shining armour on a white steed could become a noble that officer in a Ford Fiesta.

Enjoy, inshallah,

M. Hitch

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